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Ecuador To The Rescue: Assange To Be Busted Out of Britain

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The New Duke of the Puffins.

The plan is blissfully simple. 

The elite Ecuadorean Parachute Brigade ( ten guys who can skydive ) drops a perimeter (of steel) around the Embassy in Knightsbridge, creates a diversionary attack in the haberdashery department at Harrods, and whisks ASSange into Ecuador’s Air Force ( its one old rickety Chopper) and flies him (hopefully) to Sark, where he’ll be met by an the Ecuadorean Navy ( an ancient WW2 Liberty Ship with an Uzi mounted on the bridge ). The steamer will zig zag the ocean for the duration of the secret eighteen-week seasickness-addled trip to the Galapagos, which has already elected ASSange Lord of the Iguanas.

Ecuador is hush-hush about the timing of the ASSange asylum bid, but they did not deny it may have something to do with the exorbitant bills for the specialty game and wine Mr ASSange is demanding his hosts buy from Harrods Food Hall. Since Julian has been holed up in the spare room at the embassy, half of Ecuador’s diplomatic budget has been spent on Pheasant, Venison, and some rather impressive Chateau Laffite ’64 to wash it down. The Embassy cook had a nervous breakdown after ASSange insisted the the Foie Gras was “lackluster”. This may have triggered a “red phone” call to President Correa which resulted in the new Ecuadorean break-out plan, codenamed “Quick Silver” in order to preserve the sanity of everyone at the Embassy. We’ll continue to update you with news as we hear it.


Written by coolrebel

August 16, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Posted in Washington

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